This is The Technical Difficulties, and we are
playing Two of These People are Lying because two of these people will be. -Chris Joel.
-Hello! Gary Brannan. “Good pint o’ gravy of an evening
sets you up for a night.” And Matt Gray. And seeing as I can’t follow that up,
I’ll just explain what’s going on. The three of us have each looked up
a different Wikipedia article on our phones, I like how you both drank
at the same time there. “Two bodies, one brain!” We’ve written down the title of each article
on a piece of paper that’s down there. Tom is going to pick one of those pieces
of paper and try and guess which one of us
is telling the truth. The other two, as we haven’t read the article,
are going to be talking s***. All I have to do is work out
which two of these people are lying and we are talking about… Johnstone’s Robin. Johnstone’s Robin or… I think that’s Johnstone,
that’s not “John Stone’s”. Johnstone’s Robin. Gary, why don’t you start this time? Johnstone’s Robin is named after a… well, for want of a better word, a play?
A manoeuvre? In cricketing circles in the 1890s. It was done by Robin Jenkins who played
for Gloucestershire and it’s a manoeuvre where one fools the batting side
by pretending to make some kind of catch. So to put off a batsman,
you would do Johnstone’s Robin, which is a fake move in a cricket field. Just to be clear, you’re saying that Johnstone’s
Robin was named after… Robin? Yes? -Right, let me just say…
-F***ing burn! that kind of s*** did you really well
first time, didn’t it? And second time. So you discount away ‘cos both times
you’ve done that, ya been wrong. It’s alright, Tom, he wasn’t finished. He was just starting. -Sorry.
-If you want me to carry on, because the robin part is named
after the hopping manoeuvre that was involved. You said it was named after Robin. Because it’s a funny name
because you’ve got robin-bird and Robin as a person,
people are trying to be funny. People are known to do that,
I mean look at us f***ers trying. Do you want to run me through the causation? The manoeuvre? No, not manoeuvre,
just run me through what you said. -I can’t remember.
-Okay. Chris. I wasn’t there, Your Honour.
You would have to consult my lawyer. Yes. Chris, Johnstone’s Robin. Johnstone’s Robin,
I’m afraid this is a stub so you’re not going to get a lot, is a trig point just north of Bamford in the
Hope Valley in the Peak District 210 metres on an unremarkable little knoll as it rises up the valley side
to the actual high trig points along the top. So trig points, just for those who don’t know,
they’re navigation pillars. Yeah, so you put them on high places
so you can put your, what’s it called? Angle measuring device! Angle measuring gubbins in it
and it lets you map out the local topography. They’re usually on very high places,
but sometimes to map out a lower area it’ll go on something lower,
and that’s what Johnston… well the little hillocl is Johnstone’s Robin
but there’s now a trig point at 210-and-change meters. That is an entirely plausible Wikipedia stub. Matt, Johnstone’s Robin. It’s a robin, a type of bird,
it lives in Taiwan and for everything that I could see
in the article, it’s not actually named
after someone called Johnston, I could find no evidence. A lot of stuff gets named in honour,
doesn’t it? Yes. Because, like, there’s butterflies called
“Attenboroughncii” and things like that. The article didn’t mention this.
It is called whatever the phrase… It sounds like you’ve repeated the article
verbatim there, like, “it’s a f***ing robin”. Alright Wikipedia, alright. Once again,
I can’t remember the Latin word for robin but it was Robin Johnstoniae. Robinious. I always love that there is a bird, and I think it’s the blackbird
is Turdus Turdus. Yes, it is Turdus Turdus, yeah. S***ty S***ty. I like that. Oh, that’s a difficult choice, I mean, I kind of just want to come back
to the cricket manoeuvre. Fair. Not because I think it’s right,
I just want to hear you continuing to try and lie about this. Can I say, continue to try and lie on the
first one we did, which worked out grand. -It did, it did.
-Yeah. Can you describe the cricket manoeuvre? Cricket manoeuvre,
obviously you have a bowler coming in of which when it is now illegal, in the rules
of cricket, to do a deceptive manoeuvre. You cannot pretend… -Well, no, you cannot pretend to run…
-It’s just not cricket. It’s not! You cannot pretend to run over here
when the ball is going over here, okay, so you have to be honest in the field. This was the start of that kind of,
for want of a name, horses****ery, okay, when… Gary Brannan stands for unfair cricket. Well, it is… No, no, no, distracting the batsman, is horse s****ery, let’s face it,
it’s bulls***, you can’t do that, right. In this, the manoeuvre was someone would
perform a hopping manoeuvre deep in the field to make someone go,
“F***? What is that?” What, it’s literally on one leg hopping? Well, I… wa… the story
goes it was in the way of tying a boot or something like that, like,
you know, you might pull one leg up because your shoelace has come a bit loose,
try and tie it, hopping around, dicking around in the field,
trying to distract the batsman, therefore he gets halfway down his run,
looks over, realises… -Oh, f***, he’s on the ball, when it’s actually over there.
-Yeah. It’s actually over there,
which has obviously gone quite short, bails whipped off,
massive argument on field and which leads to the point not long after
that doing a deceptive manoeuvre in the field to distract a batsman while in play
is in fact illegal and not within the spirit nor the laws of the game. And is known as a Johnstone’s Robin? -Correct, as the hopping manoeuvre. I admire how well you have pulled
that back from the edge. Can I say, can we get those six eggs
from over there ready to slash them on your face later on. I’m going to level with you, Gary, if it turns out that this is true,
I feel like you, you deliberately… I’ve got a frightful shade of déjà vu here. I almost feel like you deliberately screwed up
the introduction to say it was named after Robin. Hmm, it’s almost like a deceptive manoeuvre
someone would play in a game where we’re trying to disguise who may be lying. What kind of man would do that, I ask you? -I have another fact about the bird.
-Ooh. Shall I tell you the name of the person
who discovered it? -Yes.
-William Robert Ogilvy Grant. -Oh yes.
-That is a proper name. There is no Johnstone in that at all,
yet it is still called Robinus Johnstonii. Oh, Matt. Also, if a name was ever going to be real,
it’d be that one. -Yeah.
-It’s got some weight behind it. That’s either… That’s either a genuine name or it’s just a
name that Matt has plucked from somewhere else. That took a lot of plucking. And so does a Johnstone’s Robin. -A normal robin size.
-Robin size! Gary, I don’t think it’s you, I think you’re lying because
I just think there was too much… -You’ve got an untrustworthy face.
-Too much messing about at the start, -Chris.
-Hello. I think that’s just literally somewhere you
know in… was it Peak District or Lake? Peak District. I think that’s literally just somewhere you
know in the Peak District that you’ve given a different name to. Matt, I believe you, am I right? You think that William Robert Ogilvy Grant
is a real person? -Yeah, go on.
-Yeah, you’re right. Yes! Hey! That was a point to Matt
and finally a point to me. That won’t stand. The best thing is that I didn’t use the exact
title of the article, I used the bird’s other name,
because I wanted to lead on to the fact that it’s also called the coloured bush robin. But I couldn’t remember what its funny name
was throughout the entirety of that, because if I’d have said “bush robin”, you’d have
gone straight over that side of the table. -Alright, Matt…
-Only the truth hurts. you should go and pick a new article,
we’ll be back in a moment. Right, Matt has gone and found a new article,
there are three still under here and I am told that they have been written
in each other’s handwriting now, so I can’t get any clues from that. So… Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun… Ageratina Occidentalis, Agerantina,.. You know what, the first thing I’m going to do
is ask each of you to pronounce that, -Chris.
-Agerantina Occidentalis. Gary. Ageratina Occidentalis. Chris, what is… that? You don’t want it, let’s put it that way. Okay? How gauche should I be? Gary. It was a form of ecclesiastical censure
pre-reformation. I’m just throwing in long words in to see
if you can write them down. I know. Pre-reformation, that seems to be very much in
your wheelhouse but then you would have picked
something in your wheelhouse. ‘Ecumenical matter…’ Matt. It is a flowering plant
with triangular glandular leaves. -Ohh!
-Ohh! “Triangular glandular leaves.” Matt. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. Glandular? If you had not said the word ‘glandular’,
that would have been entirely convincing. We’ll come back to that. Chris, why would I not want Agerantina… -Ageratina… Ageratina actually.
-Occidental. Ageratina Occi,
why would I not want that? It is a minor bowel disorder with everything
that you imagine comes with that. Yeah. I say minor, but long term, it’s not something
that goes away quickly, caused by the accidental ingestion
of a bacteria that lives in soil so it’s accidental food contamination generally
in less developed nations. Right, that’s entirely plausible and I can’t
think of anything funny to say about that. I love that he always comes to me
and I always get exactly the same line, ‘That is entirely plausible.’ Gary, ecclesiastical censure pre-reformation, how would the ecclesiastical be censured? Well, it’s one step short
of the full excommunication. Can I ask a question quickly? -Yeah.
-What was the second word after ecclesiastical? -Censure.
-And what does that mean? -That means telling someone off.
-Does it? Yeah. You’re told off in a serious
and formal and recorded fashion, so aye. Yeah, you’re right, well, of course I’m going
to pick an article that sits in my interest so I can bloody well remember it, as I did so well last time in remembering
the non-content of what I was talking about. And also, yeah, it’s one step short of the full
excommunication where you would, bell, book and candle, and told to get out of life
basically and not come back. So this is one which is, if you like,
the final warning in which people will be forced to parade around the parish church
of where they live wearing only a sheet. Parade around the parish. Parade around the parish church wearing
naught but a sheet so everyone knew they had been dead naughty and that. Like a ghost? Well, you would look a bit like a ghost. I thought you meant naughty like a ghost. That’s a song, isn’t it? “George, you stand charged of drifting into
Mrs Mason’s bathroom.” “Yes, your honour, I… ‘drifted’. Mmm.” “Generally hanging around under a sheet.”
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, no. That’s what Ageratina Occidentalis is
and the Occidentalis relates to the direction one would have to move
around the church. -Which direction would that be?
-Easterly. Oh, easterly around the church? You’d set off in an easterly direction
because that’s towards where Jerusalem is and where the most religious end
of a church is which is in the…? -East.
-Thank you. Oh, I know … I know …
I know Christian churches point east. Yes. -Well, most do, not all of them.
-Yeah. Oh go on, just put a bloody line through it
in your ever so cocky fashion. Matt, it’s a flowering plant with
triangular glandular leaves. What do you mean by glandular leaves? -Now, just because I read an article…
-That’s a good point. …it doesn’t mean I know
what any of it means, and… but it sounds like this is a joke article,
like people seem to like defacing Wikipedia, which I think is a terrible idea really. But it had that phrase.
Before it got onto the details of the leaves it said it was in the daisy family
-Aww. And it was also known as western snakeroot. -Oh, so you know how the last…
-And it can be found flowering in Utah. The last detail of yours there, Gary,
essentially went, oh, this is plausible, this is… oh no. You see I was all like,
this is, this is not a thing… this is not a thing, and then
you came up with “western snakeroot”. It’s a good name. It’s a really good name,
that’s a really believable name. Yes, because it doesn’t sound glandular
in the slightest. If it turns out you’ve misread the phrase
granular or something like that, I will be deeply, deeply upset. So close to being a genuine,
real-life dickweed. There is nothing here that I can immediately
rule someone out on. -You’ve done well.
-He done well! He has spirit, this one. -Gary.
-Here we go. I recognise that you’re an expert
in the subject, I think it may have been the first thing
that went to your head when you saw something with that sort of Latin, and I think occidentalis
came in a little bit too late. So I’m going to throw that off, also… At least he waited! Unfortunately, I have also just realised
that “occidentalis” does not mean eastern, that would be the orient,
the occident is the west. Hmm. wWich means I’m going to rule you out
because the odds, Matt, of you, who usually uses the phrase
“left and right” for west and east, knowing that occidental works
with western snakeroot, Matt, I believe you, am I right? Firstly, f*** you,
I knew occidental meant west. Can we just use the phrase “GCSE in Latin”? Oh yeah!
-Every time. Every time. And yes, it was me. Yes! So that is two points this show to Matt, two points to me and a deep apology
for forgetting your Latin GCSE. “Ageratina Occidentalis is a rhizomatous
perennial herb “growing fuzzy green or purple stems. “The glandular leaves are triangular
with serrated edges.” What’s a glandular leaf then? I don’t know,
I’m pressing glandular on it. It’ll be a leaf that serves
some function the way a gland does. “A gland is defined functionally as a plant
structure which secretes one or more products.” Urrgh. “This may be located on or near the plant
surface and secrete externally, “or be internal to the plant
and secrete into a canal or reservoir.” Oh, it’s like a fly trappy thing then. Matt, two points, congratulations, I think we get a joint victory on this, through mostly random chance
of whose articles I picked. Yay! I haven’t got an outro,
join us next time. -Bye!
-Bye! Fade to black.