LGBT People Share Their Experience Being Rejected By the Church | Tell A Stranger


– Maybe someday you’ll get to the point where you’ll see that I am
a person not a sexuality. – Hi. – Hi. – I grew up in a
conservative Christian home. I didn’t really actually know, I don’t think any LGBTQ
people until high school. I didn’t even really know what that meant. So when I finally realized that I was gay, which was when I was 23, which
his pretty late in my opinion to finally figure out
a big part of yourself. I was home for Christmas break, there was this anxiety
that was eating me up to the point where I actually was sick, like I would throw up like once a day cause it was eating me alive. It was Christmas Eve
and I grabbed my parents and my sister and I called
them into the kitchen and the only words that I
could get out of my mouth were I date dudes. And I was like panicking. And then my parents and
my sister were like, we know. And I was like, how the
hell could you know that, I didn’t know that. They were waiting for me to finally be ready to tell them. But I didn’t expect a lot of push back from both my church community and the LGBTQ community to sort of, like take a stance against
the other one somehow. There was a point where I was unasked to be a part of church
groups that I was in. One of my really close friends growing up, he asked me to be his
best man in his wedding and then after I came out to
him, about two weeks later, he called me and un-asked
me to be his best man. So that was pretty painful. But I have kind of found this
small community of people that they see me now for all of me. Not just one part or the other. I’ve started to find that maybe there’s like a third path that’s not I have to believe this or I have to be this. There maybe is a way for me
to embrace all of myself. And find joy in every part of myself without needing to be
one thing or another. That’s where I’m at. – When I was in middle school I became friends with a girl named Julie. Julie was much cooler
than anyone I’d ever known and I was stoked when she wanted to start having weekly sleepovers with me. One night during these sleepovers I was sitting next to her in her playroom and the next thing I knew
her lips were on mine. Kissing during sleepovers
became our weekly secret as we got to know each other better. Until a few months
later when Julie decided she had a crush on a boy and didn’t wanna kiss
me goodnight anymore. Later, Julie told everyone we knew what had happened between the two of us. And it was only then that I understand just how not okay this
facet of my personality was with our classmates. Our peers and friends mocked
us every time they saw us. Screaming “dykes” and I didn’t really know
what to do about it. Being super religious, I didn’t
even know what dyke meant. So I had a lot of questions. Was I one and what did that even mean? The first time I ever saw real lesbians was Teegan and Sarah’s video
for Walking with a Ghost and I was transfixed. I grew up in a loving family and I never once doubted
that my parents loved me. But to me, being gay seemed too much for this religious family to bear. I was so scared to tell them
what I was actually about and what I had figured out
about myself so I didn’t. I kept it a secret for as long as I could. One morning, my mom and I went
to the California State Fair, on a hot, 103 degree day in Sacramento. After sweating it out in the morning, we went to lunch and as we sat across from each other, my mom asked me the question
I’d been dying to answer since middle school. Was I gay? I said yes. I could’ve never guessed what a beautiful and honest conversation
my mom and I would have about who I truly was as she listened and understood this burden that I’d been carrying
for such a long time. Not only did I know that I could be free but I could also be
fully and completely seen for who I am as a person. Better yet, this story
has a super happy ending. I fell in love again. We share a cute house. We have two dogs and we are a family. And best of all, every single night is a sleepover with a girl
who always wants to kiss me. – Your story was great and it actually gave me
a lot of hope at the end. – Your story was so relatable to me, just as someone who
was raised religiously. And worked, I was like a youth leader and worked at church camp. Like I was like yes I understand all of it and I think like when
you’re raised in the church it’s not something that
you get over losing. Like that felt like a grief to me and so I really appreciated like this idea of a third path that you could have that’s
such a beautiful sentiment. – Yeah. – It’s interesting, there
seems to be such pressure to like come out and figure it out. And while I wish I
would’ve come out earlier, I also, I had to be ready. And I’m glad that like, I felt resolved within myself. And I was 30 when I came out so I feel you on being
like a little bit later. Like, 30 is. I think people need permission to do it on their own schedule. It’s not too late, ever. – I guess the biggest question for me was you talked a lot about, as sort of intrinsic fears
you felt before coming out. – Uh huh. – What was the thing you were
most afraid of happening? – I, now I’m gonna get misty, I love my family. And I think I underestimated how deep my parents love is for me. And I think that that ended up being, it’s changed our relationship because I know that, you know
they are religious people and I think that was a hard thing and I think that too, a lot of parental angst comes from wanting the best for their kids and wanting your kids
to have an easy life. I think seeing how they reacted to me and how much they love me and supported me and now love my partner and support us has been like the best
antidote to that shame. – The friend that I talked about, I don’t tell a lot of people about it, even my friends. Because after it happened, I wrote him a really long letter cause the last thing he said
to me on the phone that day was I love you, but I can’t
rationalize this choice that you’ve made with what I believe. And I wrote him a long
letter and said like, I didn’t make a choice. That’s like saying that I
chose to be this height. And I still, I don’t know, I still hope I guess some day that we’ll be friends again. – It’s his loss. Which I know is like a
trite thing to say but like you deserve people who are fully accepting of who you are. And I’m so sorry for that pain. That’s, unbelievable to me. – Thank you. – I think it’s such a precious experience that each of us go through. Like whether it’s tumultuous or amazing, it’s ours and so getting a chance to hear other people’s stories
is always so inspiring. Can we hug? – Absolutely, yes, I think
we need somebody to hug. Thank you so much. – Thank you. – I’m a teacher. I am super fortunate to
teach where I do now. We have LGBT educator groups and it’s just accepted in my district in a way that I never thought
that I would experience. I think it’s good for kids to have a queer adult and it’s not
something I take lightly. It just feels like I’m congruent in all areas of my life. And that feels really, really good.

100 thoughts on “LGBT People Share Their Experience Being Rejected By the Church | Tell A Stranger”

  1. I guess I just don't get what the problem is. When I was about 12, my former babysitter got pregnant out of wedlock. In those days, they sent girls away to boarding schools. I never could see her as a "bad" person…I still loved her. In college, a close friend of mine became pregnant the same way. Her parents were Southern Baptists and they were mortified. The dorm people would not allow her to go to the cafeteria, so I would go pick up her food. In the Summer her parents got her a cheesy apartment in another town so nobody would know. I just didn't get it…she hadn't meant for this to happen, but I still loved her and could not see her as bad. some college friends began "living in sin"…in those days, living together before marriage was just horrible. They were fine people and I didn't care. My dad had a flying fit when, in my late 20's I began living with a man who eventually became my husband. It's all so weird. that has led me to understand that you love people for who they are and not for what they do. You love who you love, who cares what sex?

  2. I can not imagine my best friend in the world coming out as gay and me telling them I don't want them to be my best man/maid of honor anymore. What kind of horrible person would do something like that?

  3. its funny that how left wing media sets a false narrative that all christians and christians communitys are homicphobic bigots while people from the left don't seem to see that muslims in the middle east are throwing queer people off buildings and are either exiling them

  4. I have a question, kind of unrelated to the video but still. Is 13 too young to come out? I’m sure in myself and I believe that most of my family and friends would be accepting but I’m still unsure.

  5. This is heart-breakingly beautiful… the raw open-ness shared between strangers who have experienced similar pain is amazing. I think this is such a beautiful way to help people feel love and support!

  6. You know what sucks, I don’t know what I am because I’m still young and dumb, but if I was lgbtq+ I don’t know how my family would react. We have a memeber of the family who’s gay and I support him, but it’s a running joke for the rest of my family. No one really likes him, but I don’t like him because of his personality. I’ve also heard my brother say in his words “ I would DISOWN my children if they were gay” so that scares me. I don’t know if anyone cares but I thought I needed to share it. ❤️❤️❤️💜💜💜💜💕💕💕💕

  7. A gay person being a christian is a like a jew being a nazi. Why the hell would you be apart of something that denies your existence? Don’t expect to be accepted into the church without reading the part of the bible that literally says to stone homosexuality. It’s 2019 and religion is outdated and should be left in the past like every other religion that has died along with time.

  8. I’m a Christian and sometimes it feels like coming out. Every time I meet a new person, especially an lgbtqa+ identifying person it’s like being automatically judged for a part of who I am. I’m a Christian at my core. I know that like I know my name. It’s hard because I’ve never in my life been mean to a gay person. Despite having our differences I’m still kind and try to reflect the love of Jesus. I know other Christians like this. My church is great and loving towards anyone lgbtqa. They get hugs and smiles and welcomed. I know because I’ve had gay friends that went to my church before moving away. For me the third path here would be kindness. I would never pull a gay friend from my wedding. We can all still love each other even if we don’t fully agree on everything. Even spouses don’t fully agree on everything lol. They compromise based on love, kindness, and respect. That’s what I have for everyone.

  9. I can't imagine the christian churches existing for much longer if they continue to reject the LGBT community. They are losing people left and right as their families and communities reject them for being authentically themselves. 1/3 of Gen Z identifies as "not strictly heterosexual", and a huge portion of them, over 50%, identify as not conforming to traditional gender roles. As their hatred grows, the LGBT community becomes stronger. It's really sad, because there doesn't need to be this divide between LGBT and christianity, it doesn't have to be this way, but the more the church pushes back, the more they will lose.

  10. I had a hard time comming out as gay… I had an even HARDER time coming out as a believer to my gay parents… I was almost disowned.

  11. Look. Homosexuality is wrong biblically. By the same account, adultery and fornication is also wrong biblically. I will NOT say that it is okay to have sex outside of a heterosexual marriage simply because mainstream outlets are propagating the narrative. All I have to say is that denying the flesh is something that all those who are following Jesus MUST do and WILL do if they have honest hearts. Churches that are openly accepting of practicing homosexuals are not Christian. Churches that openly accept sex outside of marriage are not Christian. Repent, because it is not a sign of condemnation, but a sign of mercy and love. God bless you all, we are all sinners that need a savior. I hope you seek Jesus and find peace in the love and grace of God.

  12. Dear One ~ I love you truly. I need not be in your life ~ I am One, as we all are, One with Life itself. As my beloved used to say: "we can grow, in the flow of love". We were here together, 36 years. He passed in my arms and we have never really parted. 🎆💟🎆

  13. This video is amazing and inspiring! I think all LGBTQ people can relate to their stories. These beautiful people were brave enough to share their stories, I hope it inspires everyone and educate those with a more “narrow” mindset.

  14. this man has an amazing recording voice….!!!! a baritone that speaks with a compassionate heart 🙂 he could easily have a career in voice over work. do you know his FB or IG ? thank you, I want to refer him to someone in that industry

  15. The church does not have to accept insanity, nor should any of us. It is evil and needs to come to an end.

  16. Below are a couple of segments from my soon to be published book. I certainly know what it's like and I want to let anyone gay or who are interested know that IT DOES GET BETTER. I survived all this and I grew stronger because of it. Recently I celebrated our 41st anniversary with the love of my life and now we're even free to get married. Even in my wildest dreams back then could I have ever imagined this to be possible…

    Although living with George gave me more opportunities to mix with other kids, he constantly put me down and ridiculed me in front of them, calling me names such as ‘a dirty little poofter’, ‘a fairy’, ‘a fuckwit’ and any other disgusting name that he could come up with, and believe me, he had plenty. This resulted in some of them treating me as though I was a pervert or the local village idiot. George’s sickening abuse was unrelenting, he even told me one night that our mother only wanted me back to get me into her bed and have sex with me, and his descriptive words in-between were even more shocking and disgusting. Sometimes George would prance around the house in his skin-tight budgie-smugglers, and if I happened to be glancing in his direction, he’d grab hold of his big dick and balls and snarl at me, “Ya fuckin’ little queer, ya fuckin’ like this don’t ya?” My head would spin with a mixture of shock, fear, guilt, embarrassment, confusion and, most of all, excitement. He was a good-looking man and although I was far too terrified to ever admit it, I actually enjoyed what I saw, every time, regardless of his abuse and name calling. George was a young adult and was already married by the time that I was born. I’ve been told that he and Hazel had doted on me until their first child, Little George, came along. After that everything changed and they completely abandoned me. George spent a lot of his younger years in and out of boys’ homes and later, prisons, so I didn’t see much of him at all during my earliest years of growing up. In many ways, he was a brother only by bloodline and a virtual a stranger to me.

    After the Christmas school holidays were over, I started school at Manly Boys High, where I’d usually turn up each Monday with a split lip, bruises and facial injuries thanks to George’s weekend sparring sessions. I’ve never been able to understand why no one ever questioned it.

    As time went on, it appeared obvious that George wasn’t getting a big enough kick out of watching me get bashed by other kids when he started joining in punching and kicking me himself. One night I was sparing with the willow tree when George arrived home drunk as usual. He ordered me to punch him in the face. I was scared half out of my mind but the thought of making him madder had me feeling worse so I took a half-hearted swipe at him. “Hit me like a man and not like a fuckin’ little fairy, ya fuckin’ poofta!” he screamed. I’d acquired a pretty decent punch by then so I let rip with my best shot full force into his snarling face. It must have hurt a lot more than he’d expected because he went berserk, picked me up, shoved me against a shed and smashed my head clean through the fibro wall. Another of George’s brutal assaults came a week later when he dragged me down to the bottom of his yard and threatened to kill me if I didn’t beat every kid the following Saturday. “If ya don’t think ya can do it, ya’d betta piss off outa here quick an’ smart, ya fuckin’ little cunt!” As he spoke, his hateful words sent agonising waves of fear racing through my body. I knew that he meant it and that I wouldn’t be able to live up to his expectations, so I had no choice but to run. I was on a good behaviour bond for running away to Queensland with Billy so whether I stayed or ran, either way, I was doomed. George knew this and it seemed that he may have been looking for a quick and easy way to get rid of me before he ended up killing me. By the time that Friday arrived, I was so panic-stricken that I could barely even think straight.

  17. i still feel like i cant be Catholic and transgender. i just don’t know how to wrap my head around it, even having support from some people and seeing other transgender catholics. it just doesnt feel okay.

  18. Wow that groom is a dick. You deserve better anyways. Shows who he really is and how bigotted he is

  19. This video was more relatable to me than any other LGBT oriented video I've ever seen. My parents still see it as a choice just like that man's friend, but also, like the woman, I realized that they still loved me in their own way, and that I never trusted that they wouldn't disown me if they had found out. I hope we can get to a point where this won't be viewed as a disorder/perversion.

  20. What scares me most is sadly what others will say. Being latina and where I live being queer can either go super good or horribly bad. Lowkey scared also that I’m a lesbian. I’ve always said no no I’m bi yes I like boys but when I think I’m like I don’t rlly like boys and ig realizing I’m not “normal” is also scary

  21. Why seek acceptance from a church? It’s a cult founded and fueled by lies and ignorance. A religion is legalized madness. Educate yourself, see the real world and accept it for what it is, you will live much happier like that.

    No point in seeking acceptance from a cult that teach you that you’re something bad when you’re not.

  22. I’m gay. I was born in Vietnam and is now currently living in the US. I got to see much of the world and in my motherland, I was exposed to both Buddhism and Christianity. With education, it didn’t take long until I understand that religion are a tool for mass control. It is not something you should use to seek comfort, help, or acceptance. Gay people, educate yourself, don’t fall for religious nonsense. You will live much happier accepting reality while dismissing ignorant superstitious nonsense.

  23. That part about sleepovers is exactly why I'm 110% against sleepovers. Since society shuns boys and girls from having sleepovers as it's assumed that they will be sexual to each other, girls shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers with girls, and boys shouldn't be allowed to have sleepovers with boys. If two girls can have a sleepover and fool around, why can't a boy and a girl? This makes it so that LGB folks can get special sexual privileges during teen years, while heteros can't. So, the down side is society frowns on your sexuality, but you have more access to places to be sexual in due to male/female segregation.

  24. I like these videos but i want stories from people with not loving families. I want to be able to connect more with these stories but i cant

  25. I lose my religion, family, and the so called manly friends. Iost all of them, but here I am started a life where no lies with the people who accepts me. I didnt die at all.

  26. Being undocumented, queer and gnc…. I've had to come out from 3 closets. And defenetly took a toll on my mental health for a long time

  27. That boy is a snacc… And so innocent…. My heart shatters…. If only world was a better place to live in

  28. Wow. I really appreciate the guy's story. My parents love me, and I deeply love them, but I know they don't agree with the choices I make. They support me but they will never approve of it. I think Eugene from Buzzfeed also mentioned the whole in the middle you feel with people from the church where you still love each other but there is a knowledge you have inside that your friendship is forever changed when you choose to love and embrace yourself, and you have to be accepting of that change.

  29. Do you realize Christianity or for that matter any religion is a CHOICE?
    You choose to be a Christian or whatever. Gay people do NOT choose to be gay. If you actually listened to someone from the LGBTQ community you would know they have no choice in the matter.
    People also choose to be divorced, have sex before/outside of marriage, commit adultery, gamble, lust, gossip, lie, etc. Do you tell every divorced person they are going to hell? No, you don't, you accept them, your church allows them to remarry in the church and remain members. Do you know the Bible says that if a woman is not a virgin on her wedding night she is to be stoned to death? Your book doesn't say anything about a man being a virgin on his wedding night so I guess it is okay for men to be whores just not women.

    I believe in the Creator of the Universe. I believe that men in power made up religion and books like the Bible to keep people illiterate and uneducated so those same men had complete control over them, therefore, they could live as they chose and dictate what they wanted the peasants to do.

    2nd Kings, the story of Elisha. Elisha was traveling a road and came on some children from the town. He asked if the town was ahead and the children teased him because he was bald. This angered Elisha and he prayed to God to punish the children. God sent two bears out of the woods to maul and murder the children.
    WTH. God would not murder children because they teased a bald man about his bald head.
    Since Elisha was so vain why didn't he pray to God for hair?
    God and Satan gamble with Jobs health, family and possessions. Again WTH? God wouldn't gamble with Satan He has no need to prove anything to Satan.

    Do you know how many innocent people were slaughtered by the church in barbaric acts like the Spanish Inquisition? Missionaries went into villages and forced the indigenous people to submit to Christianity or be tortured and murdered. These indigenous peoples had lived for thousands of years with their beliefs however some butt hole decided their way was the only way and tortured these poor people. Like the settlers of the US went into Native American camps, stole the children, forced them to abandon their values, traditions, ways, languages and forced them to accept their gods.

    If you believe that the Creator of the Universe, Galaxies, the Solar systems, stars, planets, moons, Earth, everything that has been, is and will be is concerned with who His/Her people love and have sex with then you minimize the Creators power and limit their omnipotence to fit in your mold of what you want your god to be.

    There is no proof of any kind that Christianity or any religion or those books are representative of the Creator or the one true religion. NO, YOUR faith and belief is not proof.

    I know that there will be more self-righteous, hypocritical, bigoted, hateful Christians who think they are right in hell than there are gay people and gay people won't go to hell for being gay but for other sins like the "Christians".

    Why can't you believe the way you want and leave everyone else alone? I see a post by people on social media all the time say gay people are shoving homosexuality down their throats. These same people don't recognize that they have been and continue to shove THEIR religion down the throats of other people.
    I heard an old man say once, " if a person calls you a jackass look at the source and evaluate their statement if 10 people call you a jackass buy a saddle".. Buy a saddle, Christians, buy a saddle.

  30. God Jesus did not come to condemn the world, he came to save the world. Jesus is the Word and the Word told in both the Old and New Testament was just as true two thousand years ago as it is today. Homosexuality is a sin… period, end of story. You were not born a homosexual but you became one.
    James 4:12

    Hebrews 13:1-5

    John 8:7-11

    Romans 1:26-28

    Galatians 5:14

    Jude 1:5-8

    1 Timothy 1:8-11

    Mark 10:6-9

    1 Corinthians 7:2

    Romans 13:8-10

    1 Corinthians 6:9-11

    Leviticus 18:22

    1 Corinthians 6:17-20

    Leviticus 20:13

  31. I'm not saying it's right or that I have an issue with ppl being gay I have friend that are gay and lesbian and know a ton of ppl in the community in my city but in the Bible it talks about gay relationship and gay sex and it makes it explicitly clear according to the Bible it's not ok and is a sin and by doing so you are living in sin. I think it's such a setup or trap to say you're rejected by the church because your gay when it was never ok just like Muslims and even Jewish religion (not the ethnicity but religion)

  32. Being Gay is a sin in the Bible not only can no REAL church approve of it, if they teach anything other then it is sin, They are sending people to hell. The truth is the truth, Your sin did not get an exemption. REPENT

  33. The woman is my teacher and our GSA leader at my school. I love you lots and am really proud of you!

  34. Church doesn't reject lgbt. Its ltbt that rejects God's law and thus His Church. Its like you weigh a hundred kilos and don't do sports and complain of being rejected by the Bolshoi theatre. If you want to be with God you have to accept what He wants from you and you can't make Him accept you with all your dirt you don't want to part with. If you repent being gay and try to fight it as a sin, neither God not His church will reject you. But you have to call a spade a spade and being gay a sin.

  35. Dude you are adorable and if you are a fraction of the man you seem to be you are far too good for the selfish asshole who's best man you luckily didn't end up being (sounds like a lucky escape to me). I hope your life will be full of people who love you wholly and for exactly who you are.

  36. I kind of think if you're making yourself special by being gay then you are setting yourself apart. I was rejected many times as a child, a teenager, a young woman and so on through life. It could be because of my body shape, my personality, my circumstances or all sorts of things. I have used those occasions to look within and stand taller, have greater confidence, build courage and move on.

  37. That’s horrible. How you disown your best friend so easily without a thought? That makes me so sad.😔

  38. Am I the only person who feels like this title is misleading? Or at least that the parts about being rejected by the church were edited out?

  39. This title is insulting and misleading… The church did not reject anyone. The Church loves u enough to tell u the truth.

  40. I know it's going against the popular appeal to accept homosexuality as normal and okay, but God doesn't tell us that homosexuality is normal and okay. God tells us in the only Book that He ever wrote, that He abhors homosexuality. He tells us that those who choose homosexuality will not be allowed in Heaven. There is no other advice God gives except to abstain from self-satisfaction and honor God instead.

  41. It is sad that within most churches if you come out as gay they just disown you as though you never existed. I know there are churches out there that are accepting of all of their people that attend but the majority are not like that. I'm glad that they both had parents that love them and we're understanding and accepting because that's all so rare these days as well.

  42. I haven’t put much thought into it but as I am typing this I think I can say that without a doubt what scares me the most about owning my true identity is the possibility of my parents not loving me like they used to. I think that they would somewhat tolerate my identity but I’m afraid that their love and their actions towards me will change and go into a bad direction. I want to be able to own my identity with a supportive family by my side but I’m not so sure I can have that kind of love from them. I’m just so lucky to have extremely supportive friends that are okay with my identity and will always be the supportive family I need. ❤️

  43. It's just sad that these people are Gay because being Gay is a really bad sin! And those who will die without christ will surely be judged roughly by God.

  44. Organized religion sucks!! The members are hypocrites. Doesn't the bible say no sex before marriage? I wonder how many virgins go to those churches. What's my point? I can not stand when churchgoers can not accept certain groups of people.

  45. These are powerful SoulPancake – thanks for doing these. As a 47 yr old gay father of 5 who came out 13 years ago, these stories, in a way, comfort me… making me feel less…alone …

  46. as a gay man I identified with both of them. I wished she would have listened to him more and not engaged her thoughts.

  47. Could It Be These People Were Rejected Because Of How They Act Versus Their Sexuality??–I Guess These People Never Ever Thought About That.–It Could Be They Were Just Way Too Toxic…!!

  48. This is fake she's readingI kind of believed it when he told his story but when she got up and started reading and looking directly at the cue cards yeah credibility shot

  49. People are horrible. My aunts are all christian and kind of tolerate my being gay, but they are downright condescending and dismissive of my sexuality. I have made the decision to cut them out of my life from now on.

  50. Being rejected by the church is the Least of your worries…….Hearing God say depart from me,,,, I never knew you, and burning for eternity is not Joking matter….every word of that bible is, and every phrophsy just keeps on becoming true….. Don't kid yourself God makes it very plain how he feels about homosexuality….it a abomination 🔥🔥🔥

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